At the outset of 2023, amidst a busy schedule, I found myself grappling with a persistent sense of stagnation, struggling to establish a clear goal. While this experience was not necessarily negative, I was still searching for a novel challenge that would elevate me to greater heights.
During a prolonged period of creative work, I often experience the duality of innovative and mundane tasks. However, with the intention of optimizing this time, I experimented with various approaches to maximize my productivity. Having grown tired of the repetitiveness of YouTube, Spotify, and Podcasts, I turned to Amazon's Audible, which, in Japan, predominantly offers self-improvement books, yet I decided to commence with a work of fiction that had long piqued my interest. Within mere minutes, I experienced a remarkable epiphany: though my hands were engaging in routine tasks, my mind was transported on an unprecedented, thrilling adventure, progressively plunging into the depths of the story. This exhilarating feeling of liberation, a stark contrast to my formerly busy schedule, transformed the start of my year into an enriching and meaningful period. This innovative work model comprised entering the studio, playing the story, immersing myself in the plot, and observing my work progress smoothly.
As I progressed through the works of "Kafka by the Shore", "Convenience Store Woman", "So Long!", "Killing Commendatore" and "The Alchemist" I stumbled upon a story that completely transformed my values: "Sen wa boku wo egaku" by Hiromasa Togami. A calligrapher himself wove his words so fluidly that I felt as though I had possessed his body, taking brush and ink to paper, struck with a strange sensation. He expounded on the philosophy of calligraphy, and the significance that its practice holds for humans. Even though I had never touched ink before, the depth of his words resonated within me, stirring an intense desire to witness authentic ink paintings, prompting me to rush out to purchase materials immediately. For the first time, I was moved so profoundly by a form of art that was not my own, and it made me realize the true power of words.
So what about myself? Am I truly conveying something akin to my core convictions through my creative works? Have I constructed my own philosophy worthy of the challenging and unique technique of glass mosaic? I inevitably come to realize that it was time to reassess the meaning of my craft. Yet, how exactly can I articulate this? Despite the struggles in my life, what drives me to continue creating? Technique is something to be continually pursued, but it is my own personal philosophy of art that I wish to elevate at this stage. As my mindset shifts, the scenery before me gradually changes.
One day, I suddenly felt the urge to confirm something and headed to a museum. My favorite museum nearby is the Anderson Collections on the campus of Stanford University. Although it is not so large, it exhibits a tasteful collection of renowned artists. It was a rare rainy day in California, but I couldn't resist. I enjoyed each piece in the quiet museum with music playing softly, and my doubts turned into certainties.
"Here are people who have found their own philosophy."
In a time when I was still naive, I would venture to contemporary art museums and scrutinize canvases that had been solely adorned in yellow, questioning why such a piece would be considered a work of art worthy of being displayed in a museum when I myself could have easily created it. However, it is safe to say that these words stemmed from my lack of awareness and inexperience in the realm of art.
The artists there have their own philosophy of creation and were among those who ultimately arrived at a point of expressing themselves solely through the use of the color yellow. Irrespective of differences in technique or style, all of these artists have converged upon a singular point. It is readily apparent who the author of a work is, even in cases where they are not explicitly identified. The breath, coloration, and everything else present in their creations embody the artist themselves. Now, the difficulty of reaching that juncture, the laborious process of refinement, and the passage of time are all discernible. Only after prolonged searching, polishing, and refining is the true worth of one's singularly-crafted creations revealed. My emotions were stirred deeply. The sight was utterly transformed, akin to that of a crystal. Subsequently, I was gripped by deep fear. Would I be able to discover and perfect my own art in this way? All these people arrived at the same destination: the realm of those who have achieved. Will I be capable of arriving there as well? A convoluted mixture of terror and excitement caused my eyes to well up with tears.
“I have to find my own philosophy in creation.”
In the year 2023, the task before me was not to undertake new challenges, but rather to refine the assets I already possessed. With the clarity of purpose, my mind became unclouded. While the path ahead is a lengthy one, the vision of my destination has already imbued me with a sense of security.
Honestly, It's a strange feeling. Based on the memories of my past experiences and the sensations my body remembers, I feel a strong inclination of my emotional threads weaving my own thoughts. Everything seems to push me forward like a favorable tailwind, goading me on. The most significant difference from my twenties is my newfound reluctance to rush headlong into things. I now possess a discerning sense of my own condition, allowing me to move forward with steady conviction. My past missteps have taught me the perils of impetuosity. Rest assured, my passion is still there, overflowing within me. It is the product of diligent accumulation, the product of small, daily realizations, and thus not easily erasable. This realization fills me with an immense sense of joy, almost to the point of rapture.
Following the realization of a clear path forward, it is typical to proceed directly towards that destination, however, I felt compelled to take a detour. Deliberately materializing everything that came to mind to reaffirm my convictions, I approached the journey with a sense of playfulness, indulging in side trips on my way to the desired destination. I then chose to present the lineup that I had thoroughly enjoyed, liberated from the confines of previous frameworks, not as a mere collection, but as a series of Studies.
Lineups of Spring Studies will be launched at the Open Studios at Alameda Artworks & Online on May 13-14.
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私だけの制作哲学を見つける
2023年冒頭の私は忙しい中でも明確な目標を定められずにいた。拭いきれない停滞感だ。もちろんなくたってそれは悪いことではないけれど、自分を高みへグッとと引き上げる新しい挑戦を漠然と探していた。
長い間制作作業を続けていると創造的な作業もあればやはり単調な作業もあるわけで。でもそんな時間も長いからこそ充実した意義ある時間にしたくて色々試行錯誤が続いていたが、YoutubeもSpotifyもPodcastも聞き飽きた私がついに手を出したのがAmazonのAudibleだった。日本版ラインナップは啓発本が多い中、私昔から気になっていたフィクションから始めた。そして初めて数分で気がつく。これはすごい。手はいつもの作業が行われているのに頭の中では未知の冒険にでかけている。物語の中へどんどん深く沈んでいく。その心地よい開放感が私の忙しい年始をとても濃密な時間へと変えてくれた。新しい作業の形だ。スタジオに入る、ストーリーを再生する。物語に引き込まれ、私は作業はどんどん進んでいく。
「海辺のカフカ」「コンビニ人間」「サラバ！」「騎士団長殺し」「アルケミスト」と聞き進めていき、私の価値観をガラリと変えてくれる物語に出会った。砥上裕將氏による「線は僕を描く」。筆者本人も水墨画家である砥上氏の言葉はとても水々しく、まるで自分が彼の体に乗り移って筆を取り、墨汁を摺り、紙の上にのせていくような不思議な感覚に見舞われた。水墨画の哲学を語り、それを実践することが人間としてどのような意味をもたらすのか。墨を触ったことのない自分がその深みに胸を打たれ、本物の墨絵を見てみたい、今すぐ材料を買いに行きたい、そんな欲求が心からあふれる。自分の技法ではない芸術に文章だけでここまで心を動かされたのは初めてで言葉の力を思い知った。
では私はどうだろう？私は自分の製作作品で一番伝えたい信念のようなものを伝えられているのだろうか？ガラスモザイクという特殊で挑戦的なこの技法に見合うだけの私なりの哲学を築けているのだろうか？必然的に制作の意義を見直す時期がきたのだと気づく。だけどどうだろう、いざ具体的に言葉にしてみようとするとうまく出てこない。雨がふろうとも風がふこうとも、私が制作をやめない理由は何なのだろう。技法は一生探求していくもの、ただ自分なりの制作哲学こそは今の段階で高く掲げたい。そう頭が切り替わった時、見えてくる景色は徐々に変わっていった。
ふと、何かを確かめたくて美術館へ向かった。近場で一番好きな美術館はスタンフォード大学のキャンパス内にあるAnderson Collections。規模はそこまで大きくないけど、名だたる芸術家の趣味の良いコレクションが並んでいる。その日はカリフォルニアでは珍しく雨が降っていたが我慢できず車を走らせた。誰もいない館内で静かな音楽を聞きながら一点づつ鑑賞していく。感じていた疑惑が確信に変わる。
「この人たちは自分の哲学を見つけている。」
昔、今よりも無知だったころに現代美術館などへ足を出向いて、ただ黄色に塗られたキャンバスを見て、なにこれ私でもかけるじゃん。なんでこんなのが美術館にあるんだろうと思った。だけどそれは無知であるからこそ、そしてその道での経験がないからこそでてきた言葉なのだろう。
そこの芸術家達は自分達の掲げる制作哲学を持ち、行き着くべき所に行き着いた人たちだった。その黄色だけで表現できるところまで。技法やアートが違えども、その芸術家はみんな同じ所にたどり着いている。製作者が誰かなんてプレートを見なくてもわかる。別の場所に飾ってあってもわかる。息遣いが、色が、もうその人そのものなのだ。今なら見てわかる。そこにたどり着くまでの難しさを。努力を。時間の経過を。長い時を経て、見つけ、磨き、極めたその人独自の創造物の価値を。
心が震えた。全然違うものに見えた。これは結晶だ。そして不安が襲う。私には見つけ、極められるのだろうか。この人達はみんな同じ場所に行き着いている。極めた者たちの場所へ。私は行けるだろうか。恐怖と興奮が混じり合う複雑な感情で涙が出た。
「私は自分だけの制作哲学を見つけなければいけない。」
2023年、私がやるべき事は新しいことへの挑戦ではなく、すでに持っているものを磨く作業だったのだ。やるべき事が明確になったことにより、頭は晴れ晴れとしていた。道のりは長い。でもどこへ向かうかが見えたので、もう大丈夫。
不思議な感覚だ。過去の経験と身体が覚えている感覚を元に、交差する糸を手繰り寄せて自分の考えが編み上がる感覚を強く胸の中で感じている。すべてが追い風として私の背中を押す、進めと。２０代の頃との一番の違いは、そこで突っ走らないこと。自分の中のコンディションをしっかり見極めて進めて行けている感覚がある。焦ってはいけない、そう過去の過ちを体感した自分が教えてくれている。大丈夫、ちゃんとまだそこにある。内側からあふれる情熱はすぐに消えない。積み上げてきたものだから。日々の小さな悟りの積み重ねだから簡単には消えない。それが死ぬほど嬉しい。
先が見えた後はまっすぐそこに向かうのが普通だが、私は寄り道がしたかった。あえて自分の信念を確認するように思いついたものをすべて形にしていった。遊び心。行きたい場所へ向かうまでの寄り道。今までの枠に囚われず心から楽しんでできたラインナップをあえてコレクションとしてはではなく、Studiesとして発表しました。
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